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I had four abortions in my life. My first was at 15-years-old and was a surgical abortion. I used the abortion pill for my second abortion at 19-years-old because my first abortion was traumatic. I thought the pill would be easier, less traumatic on my body, and well, it was cheaper than going the surgical route. The baby’s father was against the idea and didn’t put money towards it so overall, it seemed like the better option. 

But it wasn’t. It was one of the most horrific experiences of my life. I was told by the abortion clinic that it wasn’t a big deal, that it was easy and private. I was in the first trimester but I don’t remember how far along, probably near the end of those first 12 weeks as I tended to do things at the last minute. The clinic didn’t even do an ultrasound, just a urine test to prove I was pregnant. 

The protocol at that time was to take the first pill, mifepristone, at the clinic and then go home and insert the second pill, misoprostol, vaginally. So that’s what I did. 

The bleeding and pain started almost immediately and it was intense. The pain lasted for two days and I felt like I was in full-blown labor. I was alone, in one of my bathrooms in my apartment. I was doing drugs just to try to numb the pain. And in the end, I ultimately broke my lease and moved out because I couldn’t stand to be in the apartment any longer and experience the trauma again every time I used the bathroom. 

Years later, after another abortion, I ended up working for that same clinic where I had my abortion pill abortion. I had to tell women the same things I was told when they asked for the abortion pill — that it was like a heavy period and not a huge deal. But I took so many calls from women who were going through that same, intense pain I went through years earlier and felt duped by the clinic. Why didn’t anyone tell them it would be this bad? Why did they feel like they were dying? Were they dying? 

I have since left the abortion industry and my drug-fueled life behind and now work to get workers out of the abortion industry and testify in front of committees and organizations telling my own story. There are some huge missing pieces in the public fight over access to abortion pills, pills which apparently non-pregnant women in the United States have been stockpiling for the last 18 months. 

Informed consent is a loophole that is flying under the radar. No one believes informed consent is a bad thing, yet the pro-abortion argument to informed consent boils down to an awful view: that women are not capable of understanding all of the information they need to be given about abortion and the use of abortion pills so there’s no reason to bog them down with excessive information about the potential risks and harm that could be done. Yet any of those same women who are contemplating a hysterectomy or tonsillectomy or any number of other procedures will have a lengthy discussion on possible side effects and negative consequences. 

The reality is that women are indeed capable of making an informed decision if they have all the information in a way they can understand, like a study that showed abortion pills are four times as dangerous as a first trimester surgical abortion. But abortion clinics and the makers of the abortion pill don’t want to take that chance because women could make a decision that fails to benefit the clinics and pill makers financially. 

The other big piece missing from this conversation is the reality of the abortion pill and side effects. Women looking for true stories need to sort through the #shoutyourabortion nonsense to find women who are telling their stories about the realities of the abortion pill. 

One social media influencer not long ago revealed her abortion pill experience. She goes through all the emotions of making the decision, telling viewers that she was sobbing while holding that first pill because she knew it would stop her baby from growing. 

She said this was the worst pain she had ever felt and said, ‘I feel like this is something I’m going to be grieving for life.’  Comments were varied with some people supporting her, others condemning her to hell. But many comments thanked her for telling her story because they went through something similar and felt so alone. 

More than half of abortions in this country are done through the abortion pill. These women deserve the entire truth about how the medicine works, what kind of damage they may suffer physically, mentally, and emotionally and where they can go for help. They need to know they aren’t alone, that millions of other women are in similar situations and that there is absolutely help for them. 

No one should feel they need to stockpile abortion pills at home. I hate that women feel they need to do this. The options are vast for women facing unplanned pregnancies – there are thousands of pregnancy centers across the country, there are helplines like Loveline that can quickly get women the help they need. There are adoption agencies, free pregnancy resources, you name it. 

I wouldn’t wish any of my abortion procedures on anyone, especially the abortion pill experience. I felt like I was walking through hell. 

Women don’t deserve that.